1. Ooh. Don't stand on that (or reach for that... or eat that... or whatever...)!
Don't get me wrong, I understand the heart-felt concern behind this comment. But it's totally ridiculous that being pregnant means that people are allowed to completely disregard your age and treat you like a 5 year old again. It's a strange, surreal thing.
2. Should you be carrying her [your toddler]?
I love this one. I never quite know what to say in response. I'm usually torn between one of two sarcastic comments:
"Probably not, but I just love it so much that I can't help myself! Lugging an extra 22 lbs around in the scorching heat while struggling to catch my breath really rocks."
"Gosh, you're right. I shouldn't. Here... 'Lemme just put her down and let her meander through the parking lot by herself."
Instead I just laugh uncomfortably, and say something apologetic like, "Well... she's still pretty tiny."
3. How much weight have you gained?
How does growing a child inside of you make it OK for someone to know your weight?
4. I only gained ___ during my pregnancies.
OK, now that's just meanie, mean, mean, mean.
5. Your face is looking fuller.
Oh... This one.
This one is that it's been said to me during BOTH of my pregnancies. The thing is, the people who said it to me are genuinely warm, loving, people... a fact which leaves me totally stumped.
It's my understanding that having a fat face isn't such a good thing. I mean, I could be wrong here, but that really doesn't feel like a complement. At all.
6. Huh. I thought pregnancy cleared your skin up...
You might as well say, "Whoa! Pizza Face! What happened to you?"
7. I can't even tell you're pregnant!
Awesome. So I just look fat. Nice.
8. Ooh.. having two little ones close together. That's going to be a challenge.
Hmm... This one. What can you say in response to this one? I typically just smile and die a little inside.
9. When I was pregnant __________.
This is when Commenter proceeds to fill in the blank with a horrible pregnancy story...a story full of blood, guts, and other nightmarish things.
Totally appropriate...Because hormonally-challenged women never worry about anything.
10. You haven't had that baby yet?
This one is particularly sad when you are a million months along, swollen, and not getting any sleep.
This comment makes a pregnant woman want to go home and eat a gallon of Ben and Jerry's. Maybe 2.