not gonna do it

Just look at him. He's mocking me. He's saying, "Gotcha now, Sucka!"

It's true and I hate him.

I've tried to keep this from happening...

I've begged.
I've pleaded.
I've coerced and bribed.
I've kicked and screamed (in my heart).
I've prayed for mercy and just a little more time...


All to keep my little sweet'ums from potty training.
It's not working.

Someone is determined.
Someone is obsessed.
Someone is even more strong-willed than her mommy.

I've been purposefully ignoring signs of potty-training readiness for awhile now. It's becoming painfully obvious that the signs will no longer be ignored.

Sign #1
Following me into the bathroom and watching my every move while providing riveting commentary on the action:
"Mommy. A pee pee in potty."
"Mommy. A paper. He-ah go (Here 'ya go)."
"Mommy. I wash hands too."

Sign #2
Pointing out the status of her diaper at various points in the day - to which I typically respond with something purposefully casual and blatantly non-committal like:
"Oh. Cool."
"Oh, really?"
or "Hmmm."

Sign #3
Removing her diaper approximately 20 times a day despite my threats of Time Out and 'Pankin's. Then - proceeding to urinate on the floor in almost every room in our house.

Gunner was very confused by Sign #3. As he was checking out her vast array of "territorial markings", I thought I glimpsed a little flash in his eyes. One that said, "Oh. So we're doing THIS now? Cool."

Quickly, I looked at him and said, "Um... NO. We are NOT doing that now. Move along, Mister."

Sign #3 was the breaking point for me and David. Sign #3 drove us to finally give in and buy the most obnoxious potty in the entire world.

Avery adores it.
She begs to sit on it a million times a day.
She presses Elmo's evil little hand and listens to his bi-lingual phrases of encouragement with sheer delight.
Occasionally, she even does her "business" in it (a fact which shocks me).

I'm not warming up to do the Happy Dance just yet, though.
Why? Because I'm a Realist, people.

I know that in a few weeks, when our little Charlie enters the picture, Avery will regress and all of my stress, hard work, sticker charts, and candy bribery will be for naught.

So - I've made a decision. I will not drive myself crazy trying to do this nightmarish process with her right now. I just can't. It makes me tired to just think about it. I'm 34 weeks pregnant for cryin' out loud!

In my mind, I still have a good year before I need to feel any sort of pressure to get her out of diapers and I plan on taking full advantage.

So --- Here's the plan:
Let her use the potty when she wants to, BUT DON'T pressure her OR myself with expectations of any sort.

In other words, become something that I'm not: laid back.
No problem. I can do that...

Alright, now He's really mocking me.
I can almost hear his obnoxious laughter ringing in my ears.

Jerk.