not-so-funkins

This month's Craft Club project was decorating Funkins.

Sounds easy, right?

Umm...No.

By the time my friends and I were finished it was a like a sawdust factory had exploded in my house. The two other Crafty Buddies who joined me this month are preggers too and I'm pretty sure we were breathing in some fairly toxic particles from all that Funkin dust.

Poor Baby Charlie. Between that and the Diet Coke I'm addicted to, he's doomed.

After 2 hours of vigorous carving and sawing with a teeny, tiny saw that looked like it could have been an accessory for Lumberjack Barbie, I had only finished 2 letters in the word "Boo!". Because I'm a total freak, I could not bring myself to rest until the Funkin had been conquered.

2 more hours later, my friends and patience were long gone, but my mission was finally complete. Score one for the Martha Stewart Wanna-Be. Take that, Funkin.

Since I firmly believe that "Knowledge is Power", here's a little power for those of you who decide to brave the World Of Funkins in the future:

1. Not all fake pumpkins are created equal.
Cheap means cheap when it comes to plastic pumpkins. Although the price is ridiculous, the "Funkins" brand looks more realistic than the others.

2. Funkins are a pain in the rear to carve.
Seriously. Unless you have a "craft saw" like Martha Stewart recommends, you are hosed. If you are one of the 2 people on the planet who owns one, good for you. If you're like me, you'll be using the Barbie sized hack-saw.
Pain in the rear.
And the hands.
And the lungs.

3. Funkins are nice. In theory.
They don't spoil and you can keep them from year to year. If you mess up, however, you've just spent waaaay too much money on a fake pumpkin that you're going to trash - or give as a lame teacher gift.

4. Martha Stewart is a big, fat liar.
I just wanted to say that to have on record somewhere. Because she is. Her projects are always harder than she claims that they are. I always fall for her schemes. L-I-A-R.

For Avery's first birthday, I decided to make crepe paper flowers for the centerpieces. Those flowers almost sent me to an early grave. Not good. Not good at all.

Martha is on my list.

5. Preparation is key.
My crafty friends and I hardly ever prepare. We just kinda show up every month and go, "Hmmm. Maybe we should have planned this a little better." The problem with the "let's go for it" approach is that the margin of error is just too slim when carving a Funkin. Which brings me to my next lesson learned ---

6. When you mess up and break parts off by accident, a hot glue gun will fix 'ya right up.
This advice can be applied to basically any craft project in the world. Test me on that. It's true. I love those glue guns.

Here's my finished project. You won't be seeing a close-up on this one (see helpful hint #6)...