Welcome to Stepford

My sister goes to a big southern university. It's the kind of southern that's steeped in tradition, big hair, lots of make up and designer jeans. It's the kind of southern where men still stand when a lady walks into the room, and where people seriously salute when "Dixie" is played.

Seriously.

It's the kind of southern where HUGE, palatial mansions with sprawling front porches are disguised as Sorority Houses.

A school where all the boys have hair just like this:



and the girls look like Pageant Time Barbie.

At football games.
And at lunch.
And when they're just hanging out.

They may be wearing shorts and a t-shirt, but they're in full make-up, dang it.
Cause that's how Old South University girls do.

So - you can imagine the trepidation I felt when my mom asked my very un-blonde-old-navy-jean-wearing-mother-of-two-self to join her for Bid Day at the Old South University of Beautiful People.

Because I love my sister...and because I was curious...and because I seriously wanted to check out those monster sorority houses, I agreed.

Ya'll. I've never in my 32 years seen anything like what I saw that day.

Let's just take a little tour, shall we?

Here you'll see Monster House #1:
Equipped with massive front porch and millions of fabulously decorated rooms.
I was told that this house is one of the largest in THE COUNTRY. (that's the U.S.A, people)

Monster House #2
Lovely, right?

Monster House #3

Notice the MILLIONS of people lining the streets.
They included not only the girls receiving Bids from Sororities that day, but their boyfriends, aunts, uncles, moms and dads, sisters, dogs, and next door neighbors.

There were at least 20 more houses just like those at the university.

As the time came for the girls to accept their bids, the active members of the sororities started pouring out of the houses in their matching t-shirts and perfect hair.

Then, at exactly 2:01 pm, the crazy started.

In the distance, a tiny blur of a girl with tear-stained cheeks and a crumpled piece of paper in her hand came running down the hill from the Union Hall.

She ran all the way to one of the sorority houses where a screaming mass of girls were waiting to squeeze her to death.

Minutes later, a literal deluge of college freshman girls came running down the hill to ear-shattering shouts and screaming from the hundreds of people lining the streets.

It. was. crazy.

People were screaming and crying, and crying and jumping up and down, and crying and dancing... and crying.

ca-razy.

Added to the volume of millions of screaming girls was music blasting from a D.J. booth at every sorority house. That's 20+ D.J.s with 20+ sound systems. Playing 20+ different songs. At the same time.

Wow.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate Sororities. In fact, some of my most treasured memories of college life were spent as a member of a Sorority. I loved my sorority.
But I went to a very different university from Old South University.

My Bid Day was totally different. Let's just say, it was a little more understated. Make that a lot more.

My sister's Bid Day took place in an alternate universe of beautiful people and massive houses set in a quaint, picturesque Mayberry town. And I want to live there.

Just take a look at the inside of this mansion that my sister gets to live in a couple of years:








Oh how I love my sister.
But I'm a little jealous too.
Enjoy La-la Land, My Love.
Enjoy it.
Enjoy it for me.