Tuesday, June 23, 2009

sleep is for sissies.

At this moment both of my kids are asleep in their own beds.

That's big. Real big.

Lately, we've been forced to do the whole "Family Bed" thing, and I've gotta say, it's getting o.l.d.
I'm not a fan.
I'm not a willing participant.
In fact, I would reaaally like my bed back.

I love my kids. I adore my kids. I want to eat their cute little cheekies for breakfast.
But I want to sleep in my bed alone.
With my husband.
And no one else.

We begin each night as a resolute front. David and I are a team. We're in this together. We're the adults. We're the boss (es). We will keep our pint-sized opponents at bay.

We brace ourselves for the weeping and gnashing of teeth that inevitably follows our declaration of "It's time to go to bed", and stand firm despite urgent pleas of "Just one more minute!".

We will NOT back down. Every child will sleep in his/her own bed ALL night.
Or for at least 6 hours.

David takes the girl.
I take the boy.

Divide and conquer. Victory is within view.

Our regimented routine is laid out perfectly. Deviation will most certainly equal defeat.
Good night.

On the Eastern Front:
David faces fierce negotiations. Agreement is made. There will be just one more bed time story.

At the West: I battle whining and lost pacis.

At the Eastern Battle Field:
David struggles to stand strong in the face of fierce opposition.

On the Western Front:
The boy's restlessness finally gives way to fatigue.

At the rendezvous point, I realize that David has not returned from his Battle Station/Thingy/Place/whatever you call it.
Despite the danger of re-entering hostile territory, I must leave no man behind.
I'm going in.

Very carefully, I nudge David.
He awakes looking grateful.
Crisis averted.
We quietly retreat to our quarters feeling quite proud of our hard won victory.

But oh how the prideful fall.

Our opponents are formidable.
And sneaky.
Bery, Bery sneaky.
(I think you underestimate the sneakiness).

Hours later, bleary eyed and un-caffeinated, we hear the enemy's battle cry.
Our defenses are weak.
We have no choice but to surrender.

Another battle lost as we sleep with toddler feet in our face and cricks in our necks.
In a FULL sized bed.

No. That's not an exaggeration. Just a slightly altered version of the truth.
The truth is much more frightening.


me said...

oh, it is not sneakiness, it is manipulation. do not be fooled. it appears as sneakiness now because they are so young, surely they aren't so sinful YET. oh, my friend, they have you in their grasp. it won't be long before they begin the "i need to go potty" trick or the "i just wanted to give you a kiss (or hug or tell you i love you)" trick. oh, how they know our weaknesses.

then, if you add another one to the mix, there is no man on man. you have to play zone, and if you are not careful, one of them may sneak away. that, is when you definitely underestimate the sneakiness.

be strong. they can sense the fear.

Kelli said...

Oh no...in a full size bed. That will not do. You must develop another stradegy and fast or you'll wake up tomorrow with a foot in your back. Stay strong!

Molly said...

OH MY....that is the thing I despised about the preschool years. How can someone so small be SO controlling?
We also had a full size bed. NOT FUN
one little bit! add that with trying to find a 7" baby dolls TINY paci that is somewhere in the covers in the middle of the night....UGH! the HORROR!!!!!

What would super Nanny do?

Housewife Savant said...

Your bravery is commendable.

Are you familiar with Gary Ezzo's, "Baby Wise"?
Being the Smartest Woman in the Universe it was not easy for me to admit defeat in areas of child-rearing, but with raging rheumatoid arthritis and a child who fussed until rocked, rocked, rocked into the wee hours, I gave his book a chance.

Biblical perspectives. The living end of how-to.
Check it out.
Or no.

Sonya @ Balentine Bliss said...

Oh, my word!! WHERE do you come up with this stuff?!?! Cracking up over here!! Be strong, Grasshopper! You can do this!

Brittany said...

Oh. Goodness.
Your posts are so dang funny!

The way I see it, you have two choices: continue battling the sneakiness, or buy yourselves a bigger bed!
A full? Really?! :)

Kodi said...

Um, excuse me, but am I the only one that can't believe you have a full sized bed. You poor sweet thing. I only have a queen and long for the days of California King in my future.

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