I'm not sure that things are working out for us.
It's not you.
Wait a second...Maybe it IS you.
Lately, It seems like I'm the one doing all the sacrificing while you're doing all the bossing around.
The relationship feels a little one-sided.
Since we've met, I find myself doing things I've never done before. I barely recognize myself.
The old me would never do things like this:
And spend hours reading blogs like these:
(Who knew there were whole segments of people who LIVE to cut coupons? I'm speechless.)
I even switched to Cheap-o diapers. All for you.
Which makes THIS all your fault:
Where are YOU when it's time to change the diapers?
Sitting in your multi-million dollar house, smoking Cubans in a leather swivel chair, behind a large desk, while stroking a white Persian cat and laughing maniacally.
Anyway - My couch still smells like pee.
Now I have to haul out the one-million-pound steam cleaner to de-funk it.
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Lesson Learned: It's not really a bargain if you have to use TWICE the number cheap-o diapers to prevent leakage.
And ANOTHER thing, I don't know if I can ever forgive you for bringing this EVIL contraption into my life:
You can't fool me: It's just a fancy way to disguise the shackles of the "envelope system".
ALL of my "Blow Money" is gone. It's not even half-way through the month yet. I'm not really sure how that's your fault, but I'm going to go ahead and blame you for that too.
It's all been tough, but the biggest blow was definitely The Great Credit Card Massacre.
It was an event that still haunts my dreams.
Here's the deal: I'm willing to give you another shot because you make my husband a very happy man.
You've wooed him with your smooth talk of "spreadsheets" and "retirement plans", "savings accounts" and "budgets".
Before I knew what was happening, I was watching my husband drink the paid-for-in-cash-with-money-from-a-neatly-stored-envelope-kool-aid and there was NOTHING I could do to stop him.
You're a slick one, Dave. Very slick.
I'll stick with you for my David's sake, but I have to tell you:You're seriously getting on my nerves.