Saturday, February 14, 2009

she's just not that into you

Dear Dave,
I'm not sure that things are working out for us.

It's not you.
It's me.

Wait a second...Maybe it IS you.

Lately, It seems like I'm the one doing all the sacrificing while you're doing all the bossing around.
The relationship feels a little one-sided.

Since we've met, I find myself doing things I've never done before. I barely recognize myself.

The old me would never do things like this:


And spend hours reading blogs like these:




Deal Seeking Mom
(Who knew there were whole segments of people who LIVE to cut coupons? I'm speechless.)

I even switched to Cheap-o diapers. All for you.
Which makes THIS all your fault:

Where are YOU when it's time to change the diapers?
Sitting in your multi-million dollar house, no doubt.
Sitting in your multi-million dollar house, smoking Cuban cigars.
Sitting in your multi-million dollar house, smoking Cubans in a a leather swivel chair, behind a large desk.
Sitting in your multi-million dollar house, smoking Cubans in a leather swivel chair, behind a large desk, while stroking a white Persian cat and laughing maniacally.

Definitely.

Anyway - My couch still smells like pee.
Now I have to haul out the one-million-pound steam cleaner to de-funk it.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Lesson Learned: It's not really a bargain if you have to use TWICE the number cheap-o diapers to prevent leakage.

And ANOTHER thing, I don't know if I can ever forgive you for bringing this EVIL contraption into my life:

You can't fool me: It's just a fancy way to disguise the shackles of the "envelope system".

ALL of my "Blow Money" is gone. It's not even half-way through the month yet. I'm not really sure how that's your fault, but I'm going to go ahead and blame you for that too.

It's all been tough, but the biggest blow was definitely The Great Credit Card Massacre.
It was an event that still haunts my dreams.

Here's the deal: I'm willing to give you another shot because you make my husband a very happy man.

You've wooed him with your smooth talk of "spreadsheets" and "retirement plans", "savings accounts" and "budgets".
Before I knew what was happening, I was watching my husband drink the paid-for-in-cash-with-money-from-a-neatly-stored-envelope-kool-aid and there was NOTHING I could do to stop him.

You're a slick one, Dave. Very slick.

I'll stick with you for my David's sake, but I have to tell you:You're seriously getting on my nerves.

Jennifer

20 comments:

Beth@Not a Bow in Sight said...

I totally feel the same way!!

I'll have to tell you about my encounter with Dave sometimes. He's not all he's cracked up to be :)

jennifer said...

do tell!

Shea said...

I literally could cut and paste this same message to Dave. I hate the sacifies that I am having to make but it does make my hubby happy.

Jennifer said...

hilarious. My husband and I were just discussing last night how it's amazing that we are in the shortest month of the year and yet it has seemed SO LONG because of Dave! I feel your pain, girl!

Abbie Johnson said...

you are too funny! I was going to point out this was the shortest month, but it seems you already realize that. You can do it!!! :)
(oh and the white cloud diapers from wal-mart are cheaper and they have worked so far for us)

maribeth said...

what in the world is that brown thing?? you definitely need a cuter envelope holder and coupon holder! and, remember, you get what you pay for. those diapers are ridiculous!

Sonya @ Balentine Bliss said...

Oh,my gosh! You have a folder thingy!?! We are still using those deposit envelopes from the bank. We didn't budget that! Dude - I'm so putting that in my next months budget (Except mine's gonna have polka dots. Won't Dewayne be proud to carry that to the store!) Wonder if you can decopage leather....hmmmmm.

Kodi said...

You are too funny. My step-father-in-law gave us the Dave book in October. I'm still too scared to open it. I'm a very big fan of well-managed debt. You know, like I'll buy these shoes with my credit card TODAY because I'm getting an income tax return this MONTH. Yeah, I'm naughty like that...anyway everyone at the bank where I work seems to think Dave is a god-send, but then again, all of those know-it-alls make more money than me. Envelopes are super easy when you make tons of money, right!?

Stacy said...

OMG... you totally crack me up! I had never heard of this Dave guy till u mentioned him previously. I checked out his site. Hmmm, yeah. Good luck with that!

I'll be watching from the sidelines while cradling my credit cards and praying Hubster never hears about this man.

~Stacy

Sarah @ Thrifty Decor Chick said...

HA!!! We just paid off a $5 grand cc but not Dave's way...shhhhh!!!! He'll find me!!! We paid off the highest interest rate first. If I had my druthers, we would have paid the $500 Penneys card first but whateva whateva I'll take what I can get. Hang in there sister!!

Mommy of Tyler and Chase said...

Too much month at the end of the money:) That is what I learned with our envelope system!

Kelli said...

Ding dong, ding dong...wanna come out a play along? You've been tagged! Come on over and check out "What's in your bag?"

The Bozant Family said...

hmm, dave came to visit right after trunk show season. was that planned you sneaky little thing? ha

Emily & Amelia said...

You make me laugh soooo hard!! I hope you get a big, no HUGE, present at the end of this Dave thingie. You deserve it ;)

Carebear said...

Woot, Woot! That's me hollering with excitement at finding you from Fort Thompson's site. Between your sense of humor, fabulous crafts, and gorgeous curly-headed kiddos - I'm an instant fan! See you soon!

Kelli said...

I gave you an award, stop by and check it out.

Bargain Briana said...

Glad my site is one you spend hours on! :) I do like to save money on grocery just so I can buy other things like purses and shoes...shhhh....

If it is any consolation, I won't buy the cheapest product because it is the cheapest because sometimes a bargain isn't really a bargain! I couldn't have quite put it in words/pictures like you, though!

Thanks for my giggle of the day!

Colored With Memories said...

i hate the feeling of "blow money" running out to quickly...yet it always does...dang it!

we too have tried the cheapo diapers...leaks and rashes...and a ton of money spent on desitin...that's all we got!

i am a coupon girl though...and a CVS and walgreen's free item chic. i swear i havent' paid for toothpaste or toothbrushes in years!

Lisa said...

Hee, hee. I'm reading TMM now and I really like it, though my husband and I are still on separate pages with it.

Thankfully, I've never really had issues with cheap diapers. But then I have never used the good ones regularly either.

Hadley Coble said...

that is TOO funny!

i've been figuring creative ways to get things we want from our other envelopes...for example, m&ms and twizzlers are totally coming out of my gift envelope since I'm buying them for the company coming!

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